How to stop feeling like room mates?

Almost 10 years married. Little is left. We live like roommates who actually dont like each other very much. Counseling isnt an option, he wouldnt even go when we were working on our child's behavioral issues. Said is was all a crock of @#!. I have tried to openly discuss this, he gets pissed. I just want the occional hug or squeeze or I love you. When I say this he gets defensive, sarcastic or just silent.