I am feeling good but its wierd.......?

hey guys i am sana.............my life life has been very different from other girls......i am the 3rd daughter of my parents,my dad always wanted a son and dat dint happen so he bought me up like a boy,i was not playing with toys as a kid and was playing outdoors,,,,,,,i had never felt Feminine at all......never shy i never enjoyed sum sober feelings that girls have........but then i got a boyfriend.....in my college he was the only person who treated me like a gentle girl then one day i wanted to feel Feminine and decided to get down with him.......we almost did it i was on my back.....but he said no and went back as he said,i would feel guilty of it in future........it actually weird...i do feel very Feminine des days..........i like to dressw up and look good,,,,,,,,,i even blush des days...........i love dis feeling but fells wierd.........hope u can understand my probs and help me..